Hacking Hollywood

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Johnny Long

Hacking stuff is for the birds. I’m taking a new path in life. I’ve decided to become a technical consultant for Hollywood. (No, not really, but work with me here). In my new role, I’ve decided it’s time to take up the torch for all my fellow consultants who have been abused by you people through the years. We’re all just sick and tired of your snide little comments about hackers in the movies. So go ahead. Make fun of Hollywood. Poke fun at A-list actors who “slide in [a] Trojan horse riding a worm” or B-movie bandits that use “mega modems with compression”. Snort your snooty little snicker at smarties who smash 128-bit DES encryption in a skimpy 60 seconds. Who do you think you are, anyway? You’ve probably never even USED 128-bit DES.

Think you’re all uber because you can sling a bit of code? Let’s see you sling a multi-headed worm that sniffs out latent digital footprints throughout an encrypted network. Not leet enough? That’s OK. I’ll show you how it’s done. Think you’ve found a movie line that’s just slam-dunk stupid? A movie line that proves Hollywood is just clueless about technology? Think again. You just misunderstood. I’ll use video clips and ultra-magnified freeze-framed screen stills to prove to you that Hollywood is clue++. Failing that, I’ll at least distract you with seriously classified hardware and 0day exploits that were leaked through Hollywood films. Then again, you just might be safer if you keep on thinking they’re only cheesy movie props. Come and hang out for a while as I continue my crusade to inject fun back into security. NOTICE: Persons with bladder control issues should sit this one out.